Dear 2015: I Give Up

As I watched Bill Cosby get out of his car, surrounded by reporters and police and walk into jail – a little piece of my childhood died.

When I saw his mugshot photo… it died a little more.

cosby-walking

Dec 30th, 2015: Bill Cosby is arraigned on sexual assault charges.

I’ve been a Cosby fan since I was as young as I can remember. There were his early comedy albums, Fat Albert and of course… the Cosby Show.

As a kid who grew up without his dad around, the Cosby show, for me, represented a dream. A solid family structure, plenty of money to spare and a cool Dad who was supportive, taught me lessons and made me laugh.

I always said that the day Bill Cosby died would be the worst day of my life… but I was wrong… this is much worse.

cosby-mug

I have no idea if Mr. Cosby is guilty or not – but seeing him arrested officially marked the end of an era, and being that it happened at the end of 2015, I have decided to make a decision.

I Officially Give Up.

Cosby aside, there are many other things that happened in 2015 that have brought me to this place.

The list goes on and on.

The world has gone crazy and so have most of the people in it. So I give up. And to end 2015 I will share with you a few of the things I give up on.

Then, I’ll share a few things I’ll believe in instead.

I Give Up

  1. Childhood heroes. As kids we watched TV and thought the actors and stars we saw were heroes. As it turns out, a lot of them are pieces of crap. I give up.
  2. Expectations of other people. We want people to do better, and we try to set a good example, but some people will never improve. They’re always going to be the way they are for better or for worse. Our expectations and demands don’t matter. So let’s just leave them be. I give up.
  3. The search for “Perfect”. We dream of perfect situations. Perfect families, jobs, relationships and friends. Perfect doesn’t exist and everyone is going through their own struggles. Nothing is ever going to be perfect. I give up.
  4. Comparing ourselves to other people. Want to be miserable? Compare yourself to other people on a regular basis. No matter how much money you make, weight you lose, success you acheive there are always people who are doing it better. You will never beat them all, so stop trying.
  5. Trying to be someone that I’m not. Let’s give up on pretending to be somone or something that we’re not. There is only one you in the world – and the world needs you, not some bad version of someone else.
  6. Quick fixes. Let’s give up on looking for quick fixes, because there are none. Things take time – LOTS of time. Whether you want to lose weight, get in shape or make a million dollars the way to guarantee failure is to expect it to happen overnight. Because it won’t.
  7. Belief in Society. A long time ago, some people came up with a a bunch of rules, laws and concepts for our Society. A lot has changed since then and now they’re almost all irrelevant. The system is broken. The goverment, our schools, our financial systems and our relationships with each other are all based on these outdated Society’s rules. I give up on that old Society and will create my own.

What I Believe Now.

It’s not all bad. Sometimes, giving up isn’t a negative thing at all. Giving up simply means that I am at the end of one way of thinking. And with that end, I will start a new beginning.

Here are a few things I believe in now.

  1. The most important thing you can do is be yourself. Pretending, over time, is painful. In the past I’ve gotten caught up in trying to be other people, I’ve copied musicians, writers, Youtubers and other bloggers. What the hell was I thinking? Life has uniquely qualified us to be who we are. And we can help the world a lot more by being ourselves instead of trying to copy someone that is already there. The world only has one you… So be an original.
  2. Instead of waiting for a hero, you can be one. You spend your childhood looking up to heroes or waiting to be saved. Instead of complaining that there are no heroes, or that you haven’t been saved – become a hero for someone else.
  3. It’s never too late to be who you might have been. Today you are the oldest you have ever been – but you’re also the youngest you will ever be again. Take advantage of this once-in-a-lifetime youthful opportunity to become the person you always thought you could be.
  4. It will be ok. If you’re reading this, then that means you lived through 2015. All you biggest fears didn’t come true (again) and no matter what happened or how many bad things went down – you survived. Use this as a reminder that no matter what comes, as long as you don’t get your head chopped off… it will be ok.

Conclusion

2015 is officially over… and to be honest, it wasn’t all good news. Some of our childhood heroes turned out to be monsters and the dream for peace in the world, our country or even our cities is slipping futher and further away.

Let’s Give Up.

It’s ok to give up on certain things, especially if they are fantasies that will never come true. But it’s important to replace those fantasy beliefs with real ones.

Can’t think of what to believe in next year? Steal mine.

  1. The most important thing you can do is be yourself.
  2. Instead of waiting for a hero, you can be one.
  3. It’s never too late to be who you might have been.
  4. It will be ok.

See you in the future,
Malan

  • CreationNation

    I hate to break this to you Malan, but you only seem to get better and better with your posts. I’m sorry to have to be the one to tell you this.

    Haha, fantastic post and echoes some of my own thoughts that I have had bouncing around in my head. Sure is a lot of nasty out there that’ll bring you right the hell down. But on the flip side, there is a whole lot of good stuff as well, you just have to change what you’re looking at (or even FOR). A lot of people seem to feed on “negative” any more.

    Thanks for all you gave us in 2015!

  • http://twitter.com/TuhinGates Tuhin Parvez

    “Today you are the oldest you have ever been – but you’re also the youngest you will ever be again.”

    Thank you Malan, This post made my day! Happy new year and stay well always..

  • Faical Ballouch

    awsome post mad man

  • Alexis Avellan

    ” Use this as a reminder that no matter what comes, as long as you don’t get your head chopped off… it will be ok.”

    That line is hilarious. Great post Malan.

  • PHOENIX.RISE.AS.ONE

    Hey Malan 4ever grateful 4 all the Amazings insights about life u shared
    Live saver 4 real dude !
    Wishing many blessings and a life with continue abundance 4 u Brota!
    Feliz Ano Novo

  • pauleyh

    Thanks Malan, great post and perfect timing for the new year.

    It can be very liberating giving things up, the right things you quit can give the freedom you need for better things ahead.

    Happy new year from Australia mate!

  • http://yussefgilkey.com Yussef Gilkey

    A very close friend of mine and I were talking on the phone and he said “society is doomed” to which I said “well my friend, that depends on which side of the equation you are on.”

    Malan before social media, 24hour news feeds and streams, and push notifications information about celebrities and government were like a gallon of sugar water with a teaspoon of koolaid flavor. Follow me on this analogy.

    It was sweet as hell, but you drank it because you didn’t have any other choice. We were all star struck by the larger than life personas. Back then you no idea how to distinguish between an advertorial or real information. We just kept drinking the damn koolaid because it made us feel better about ourselves and our society. That didn’t erase the fact that there weren’t rebels fighting and blowing shit up in Beirut, Lebanon, Palestine, Ireland, Libia, Scotland, Iran, Somalia etc. We just kept watching Archie Bunker and I Love Lucy because it just tasted better.

    Nowadays with 24hour noise from all the above channels, the same gallon of water has 10 packs of koolaid and a teaspoon of sugar in. You just expect it to be bitter before you even taste it. We wake up looking for fucked up news. We are conditioned to believe just about wealthy person is corrupt and every celebrity will eventually screw up their marriage or fall victim to a scandal eventually. So we wait. And the media delvers. Over and Over and Over

    Our job is to recognize bitter or sweet, we all drink the Koolaid. Then accept that
    Celebrities, politicians, religious leaders, and good old uncle Bob were always the same human beings that they are today. We just didn’t have access to things like Michael Jackson’s secret lair with a recording of him on his deathbed available in HD on Youtube at the click of a button. Those things change your perspective if you allow them

    The lesson for me is first, regardless of what you believe about your role models or celebrities if they fall from a pedestal your very next question should be “how put them up there?” I have always accepted the fact that the world is not a fair place. People fuck up. Good people fuck up royally sometimes and the news media will let you know it every hour on the hour.

    The news only reminds of what we should already know.
    A politician is a politician. A Rabi is still a man. A celebrity is a man/woman that acts and so on.

    The sugar water is gone. The world is still what it always has been.

    It Is Going To Be OK…..Oh and don’t drink the kooliad

  • http://www.holdfastiron.com Michael – Hold Fast The Iron

    Couldn’t agree more. Probably the best assessment of our society that I have read. Probably because it is written by a rational person. All I have to say is: Hereos should be sober, qualitiy dads. People should get out of debt before investing. People should never watch regular news or pay attention to politics and. People should go to church or develop a spiritual practice.

  • http://www.holdfastiron.com Michael – Hold Fast The Iron

    Thanks for the post Malan. The world needs more people like you.

  • http://www.holdfastiron.com Michael – Hold Fast The Iron

    One more thing…you know things have hit rock bottom when women of the year is a man who went crazy because his daughters are media whores.

  • http://WageFreedom.com/ Tom Mullaly

    Yours is a functional poetry Malan, it’s a pleasure to read. (I bet it’s one reason you’re so good at what you do) Happy New Year.

  • Ken L

    Looking forward to helping build that new Society you’ve created MAD.

    Take care and all best for 2016!

    Ken

  • Mitesh

    There is an epic book written by William Bridges on the topic of Transitions making sense of life’s changes which ties in with the topic. Fitting that I’m working on these issues and your post hits the mark as well.

  • http://about.me/bgn Sebastian Bagiński

    Lots of truth in the above words. Thank You Malan, really, I’ve been following you since May 2015 and You made me finish my master’s thesis much quicker. Thank You!

  • matt

    Great post like always Malan! 2015 is also the, Me too! Me! look at friggen me!..I’m the ultimate shit!’ society. even when they didnt accomplish a damn thing, ever!…I can’t stand it no more! Those cops with the extra hands on Bill!? Really? Is he going to run away? He’s got a cane you tards! Guess they want be seen on screen too

    • matt

      I was a little drunk when I wrote that—please disregard

  • Brett Pemberton

    It will be ok. That should really be on a t-shirt 😉

  • Alex Delibas

    Good advice to go with in 2016.